Brave girl, never settle again. Gentlemen, I am going to be honest with you, this post is for the ladies. I need to speak to my tribe, but you are welcome to eavesdrop.
Ladies, I could fill up this entire blog with stories. Some of these stories would make you laugh so hard your stomach will cramp, others so steamy you’d have to excuse yourself for a cold shower, others where you would go through a box of Kleenex, and others where I know I’d hear you say, “Guuuuurl! Oh no he didn’t!” My point being that this geriatric millennial, has lived some life. I have made huge mistakes and I have learned from them. I also have a great therapist that I can give you a referral later after this blog if you ask. 😉 haha!
But in all seriousness, today I want the focus to be on you. You, you beautiful sister. I am sending you so much love right now and I want to tell you, you are worthy; wash your whole life in this. YOU ARE WORTHY.
Can you think of a time in your life that you settled? Maybe you agreed to go out on a date with a guy that was just okay in your mind only because you didn’t want to be alone at home that Friday night. Maybe you said yes to a friend’s offer to meet up for dinner even though she did this before and two times before she cancelled last minute and went on a date instead. There are many reasons why we settle maybe to avoid loneliness or maybe don’t think we can do any better either with a job or in relationships (romantic or friendships), etc. I realized that there were many areas of my life I was settling and made a decision to stop. Here are some of the few things I have learned in the last two years.
Focus on things that will give you a return on your investment. I am a business woman. My brain works that way. It will automatically see a the way to sell, up-sell, see percentages, know when my company needs to restructure, etc. I know what I need to increase profit margins. In other words, I know what I need to do to get a return on my investment. If what we are doing is not giving us a return on investment, we alter our route and do not waste any more time. From this same perspective, examine your life. Look at your friendships, or should I say “friendships.” Look at how you are spending your time on weekends. Look at the type of guys you are even entertaining a conversation with on Bumble, Hindge, OKCupid, and maybe even Tinder. Think about the amount of energy you put into the last guy that ghosted you after you had “an awesome first date.” Think about the food that you are eating. Sit with all of this and ask yourself, What is your return on investment?
What I realized about myself? I realized that dating apps are not for me. I stopped. I started reading instead. I made a goal for 2019 to read 60 books this year. I simply will not and refuse to make time for a guy that doesn’t appreciate all that I bring to the table. I know that this is not the decision for everyone and if you decide you are getting out of it what you need, awesome! I am so happy for you. You doing this assessment is all about you. I am sharing for me. When I sat with this, I realized that there were friendships that I had been putting energy into that did return the same. I had one “friend” that would always keep me as a plan B, but as soon as a guy would call she would totally drop what we were doing for him. That wasn’t working for me.
Another time sucker for me that had ZERO return on investment, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Ladies, live mindfully and on purpose and please sit with this. Take inventory and ask yourself, “Am I getting a return on my investment?
Realize you and only you has your back. Remember when I said that I was a geriatric Millennial? Yah, so I have had plenty of time to make mistakes, but also time to learn. Ladies, it took me losing everything I had twice because of me making poor decisions for two men that I thought loved me. I will share these stories at a much later time. But my point being that I learned, I count on no one to take care of me, but me. I also realized in this mix of all this that I had a limiting self belief that I needed a man to take care of me. We can all take a moment and laugh here. Silly, girl. With the company that I work with in Austin, Texas, I count on no one to make calls for me or do door knocks for me. I also don’t count on my phone ringing for people to ask me for my business (although sometimes that does happen). I know that numero uno right here is the only person that has my back and if I want to take care of my family – that’s on me. I vow to never ever put myself in that situation again. Protect yourself, ladies, bust your ass and be a rock star at work and in your personal life.
Learn to enjoy yourself by yourself. I think that this is a difficult one for all of us. Being alone. And honestly, from our culture my observation is that both men and women long to fill this void of loneliness and they are running from one relationship to the next. Take time to do those things you’ve always wanted to do. Learn to Salsa dance, take that acting class, join a hiking club, learn that new skill, read more books, learn that new language that you’ve been talking about for years, sit in a hammock. Learn about yourself. Journal. Who are you anyway? Spend time with yourself and date yourself. What do you even want? Knowing all of this is key to never settling again.
Look for patterns. Have you ever stopped to look at the men you’ve been dating? Maybe you always seem to end up with a friend that stabs you in the back? I do believe in the Law of Attraction and the reason that I do is because I have seen it over and over again. This past summer, I sat with my mentor and looked at all my past relationships with men. In fact, we wrote them out on paper. What I saw within the hour of doing this BLEW MY MIND AWAY. I realized that every man had the same common denominator. I was attracting him over-and-over into my life. Take time to do inventory on your friendships and dating life- write it out on paper. I almost bet that you will see a pattern and once you are aware that is when you can do deeper digging and put your energy into what you want.
Focus on You. When you are so aligned with your own truth. When you are so comfortable in your own skin. When you are so aware of who you are you will never settle for anyone or anything, “less than…” Take time to heal, find a good therapist, figure out what your goals are in life, work, relationships. Put pen to paper. Live on purpose, ladies.
The moral of me writing all of this, brave girl, is that when you are whole, complete and in yourself in every area of your life you will never settle again. At the nucleus of all this is you, and you have power over your own life.
Live well, brave girl, and live whole. x